The caste of Rich and Famous has gotten religion with a vengeance, and they are imploring us to change our sinful ways. Normally this would be a good thing.
Unfortunately, they’ve gotten the wrong religion. And they’ve concluded that our biggest sin is that of daring to procreate.
Welcome to the religion of Climatology (think Scientology), where the planet (known as Gaia to initiates) is suffering because of human environmental sins. As penance, we must use postage stamp-sized squares of toilet paper, wipe out mouths on ‘dining sleeves.’ (For more information on both the toilet paper and the dining sleeves, visit singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow’s web site, http://www.sherylcorw.com/news/.) Their worship service — a liturgical ritual known as Global Warming Awareness — involves sitting through multiple showings of “An inconvenient Truth” while softly chanting “Algore-luia.”
But the most important commandment followed by the Climatology true believer is that they practice sterile sex. Babies, you see, are held to be one of the leading causes of global warming.
“We’re too many people,” says multi-billionaire Ted Turner, somewhat ungrammatically. “That’s why we have global warming. We have global warming because too many people are using too much stuff. If there were less people they’d be using less stuff.”
“We don’t need any more kids,” concurs actress Cameron Diaz. “We have plenty of people on this planet.” This charge, however, only seems to apply to the non-Cameron Diaz members of society. Diaz herself doesn’t “know what’s going to happen,” and could even “end up adopting half a dozen kids, or I could end up being the next ‘octomom’.”
Obviously Diaz needs to sit through more showings of “An Inconvenient Truth.”
Actress Rebecca Romjin of X-Men fame, on the other hand, has apparently been thoroughly reprogrammed. She’s limiting her own fertility, saying that she’s “not interested in overpopulating this world. So we feel like we don’t want to leave more than we are when we leave this planet.”
All of this reminds me of a quote from author and blogger Mark Shea, who notes that “one of the things a culture seems to do naturally is establish a sort of liturgical litany of Sacred Truths, which it then repeats over and over and over.” This is natural and good, Shea explains, except that humans often get it wrong.
Human beings naturally need a belief system to make sense of the world. The rich and famous, having largely rejected the Christian religion, have latched onto Climatology to explain the really big questions: What is Man, what is God, what is the State, and what is the relationship between the three, They have come to believe that the planet is “god,” that man is recklessly reproducing and consuming, and that the proper role of the state is to reduce human numbers and thus save the planet.
God help us all.
